The Dreaded Denial

By Donna RandallUncategorized, , With 0 comments

So, the conversation goes something like this (as the caregiver is displaying to the care recipient a ripe to bursting incontinence pad) –

Caregiver:  But if you don’t have a drip, would you please explain to me how this pad became so full of urine?

Care recipient:  I don’t know, but you’d think I would be able to tell if I had a drip, wouldn’t you, and my panties are never wet (a statement that isn’t at all accurate).

And so it goes around and around into infinity, no doubt, a complete denial of what appears to be obvious to everyone except the incontinent person. And if the caregiver attempts to review with the care recipient all the logical signs of the “drip”, they simply go around and around in circles, until the caregiver gives up and walks away in complete frustration, having lost another round of the battle.

While I understand fully and completely that watching your body deteriorate, and watching yourself lose control of your bodily functions cannot be a fun thing to do, why wouldn’t a person face the facts and then seek help in taking control of the issue by selecting and wearing the products that help you manage your incontinence? The statement I’ve made multiple times now is this:  “There is absolutely no shame in our bodies changing as we age, as this is a matter of fact. Where the shame comes in is when people don’t acknowledge and accept these changes, or seek help in managing them.” Apparently, however, I have made no headway to date, and have come to realize that I must continue to work around the care recipient and with the care providers to get the pads and panties changed daily, and locate any that have been hidden away before the aroma leads us to the latest hiding place.


Yours in caregiving,