Once again trying to put myself in the shoes of my care recipient, I surmise that having other people do the work you’ve always done can cause resentment. After all, from the perspective of the elderly one (especially when that person doesn’t see well and had become used to being unclean), all the things being cleaned do not need cleaning.
Most certainly there is an irony at play here. Over the years I have come to know, with certainty, that one of the worst things you can do to your care recipient is to sneak around behind her or his back, as such methods of operating show a lack of respect. But, when the caregiver has to sneak around to get things done for the care recipient, without all “heck” breaking loose, the elder is creating the very situation that he or she detests most.
Yes, I must confess that I have become the master of getting things done for our elder while she is out of the house, or when she is “not sleeping” in her chair, or when she is arriving home and I am tearing around her suite shutting all the windows that she never wants open, even though the suite is stale as can be (but she cannot smell because her sense of smell has left the premises a long, long, time age Do I feel good about having become the Queen Sneak of the households? No, but I prefer this status to that of the queen of getting strips taken from my back. As family caregivers, we do what we must to get the job done, ideally with the least possible confrontation, even when that means sneaking and lurking along the way!
Yours in Caregiving (and Sneaking),
*Image courtesy of Pixaby